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Blog Entry: Master of Magic
2005 September 25, 10:42 AM
Ages ago (~1997-2000), I was addicted to "Master of Magic", a DOS game
by Microprose (that I could also play on my Linux box using DOSEMU),
to the point where I wrote up parodied versions of some of the
spells/retorts available in the game. I'd planned to create a "Master
of Magic Parody Page", but, as always, never got around to it. Since
the game is now ancient and probably long since forgotten (I've since
developed and conquered an addiction to "Civilization: Call to Power"
(CivCTP), so Master of Magic is "2 addictions past"), I've decided it
would be pointless to create the page now. Since this blog is fast
becoming a dumping ground for my incomplete projects, here's the
partial parody I wrote. Unless you're seriously addicted to "Master of
Magic", you'll miss most of these references (I'm no longer sure of
some of them, since I haven't played in ~5 years):
- Pink Carnation. Summons the greatest of all crooners, Bing
Crosby. In addition to entertaining the local populace of your
capital, Bing has the special ability to "Create Movie House" in any
of your cities, provided there is a "road to" that city. Bing can also
cast "Enchant Evening".
- Black Channels. Allows target friendly unit to watch
entertaining programs such as the Jeffersons, Flip Wilson, Good Times,
the Cosby Show, etc, by providing them with BET, Black Entertainment
- Call the Noid. Attempts to deliver a Domino's pizza to the
target enemy city. Toppings may be selected from the "Select Toppings"
- Cranks Call. Places a "crank call" to the target enemy
unit. Any non-cellular-phone-equipped unit must leave the battlefield
to answer the "crank call".
- Cruel Unwinding. Unwinds the target wizard's watch, causing
the target wizard to be late to meetings, miss appointments, etc. See
also "Timex Stop"
- Death Nights. Dramatically decreases the target wizard's
- Djeanne. Summons Barbara Eden. Though of not much use in
combat, Barbara is nice to look out and can cast 50 mana points per
turn... but her spells usually fail in some unusual way.
- Fireball. Causes massive layoffs in the target enemy city,
lowering production. The fired workers sometimes become farmers, but
often just collect unemployment.
- Powerball. Introduces a lottery in the target enemy city,
dramatically reducing gold production, while producing little in
- Ghourls. Summons the Spice Girls, with the dreaded "wailing
voice". The Spice Girls can transmit their state of fame to their
opponents: when they win a battle, slain units rise to join their
- Herb Mastery. Gives the casting wizard control over all
creatures named "Herb". Since there are no creatures named Herb in the
game, this spell is completely useless.
- Irrelevancy. Makes a target friendly unit irrelevant. The
target unit may move anywhere, including into enemy cities, but will
be completely ignored.
- Immunity to Immunity. Makes the target friendly unit immune
to the immunities of other units.... except those that are immune to
"Immunity to Immunity".
- Stalker. Creates a harmless but persistent entity that
seeks to romance the target wizard.
- Pestiness. Summons Wesley Crusher... to the target ENEMY
- Phantom Beep. Causes a pager-like "beep" sound to occur
during combat. All enemy pager-equipped units will be so busy checking
their pagers, they won't be able to attack or defend that round!
- Planar Seal. Summons a jet-flying pinniped.
- Psionic Blast. Decreases unrest in target friendly city by
creating a partygoing mood, May only be cast on cities located in
valleys ("This is a total psionic blast, dude")
- Word of Recall. *69 in most areas.